squished like grape

i *heart* vacuousness, stuff, and other stuff


shorter than a thought

who I am seems to be quite closely tied with how I am.

How would a man, such as myself, get the letter W back in front?

And what of the Presidential nomenclature implicit in that last question.

Maybe I wanna stay personally invested in the level of identity that changes with the wind.
Maybe, but I don't think so.


cortland hunter

this is my baby. and my wife's deflated belly


and the red red red red red red red river goes run run run run run run run run run run running along

It is a friday morning. Allow your mind to translate this statement with all of the available connotations. Work is a joke. I graded roughly 5 billion and 79 papers this week. My pile, in terms of stacks, went from knee high (and i aint no grasshopper) to merely ankle depth. It is, in a sense, relieving. One major paper to grade this weekend and some small stuff. Handy, in that, i'll be receiving the next large set this coming week. ehhh.

poverty of thoguts>


my brain works in squiggles

simple little places that offer veritable interest: bookstores, star trek conventions, fan mail information supercentres. My head is more or less wrapped around life at the present time. I had a few canned beers and listened to some live music last night. It was then, then, that my brain fired in squiggles. I had an after effect this morning when I thought about using the weather from the summer to write a song .. aligning temperature independently with rhythm and particular tones. It was nice and then I said...aww fuck it. Ill just go to work and do none of this. It was not particularly heartbreaking...but...as i write it...A tear. A stitch in time saves nine. I have no idea what that means. On with the mundane. cheers.


when did self gain prefix status?

On the much lighter side of things....why the use of self- before words that do not need the clarity of the subject? I've seen self-reflexive, self-assertive, self-aware, self self self. It doesnt make any sense...AND...it is becoming a phenomenon....It is driving me crazy. does anyone hear me? Or am I self-shouting...or something..bad example...self-talking maybe. I dunno. I dont get it.

Prediction: Oakland by 17.


obligatory NOLA reponse

As i tell my classes...everybody has opinions...everybody has assholes...legitimate criticism and analysis makes your asshole unique; or your opinion smelly...in any regard; something happens.

I saw the white people "finding food" page. I saw the black people "looting" page. I saw them both. I marveled at the similarity of the photos, and the fact that this was the first line in each article. There was not a whole lot that needed to be read into the situation. The disparity in NOLA is along racial lines...that is clearly articulated through the miracle of vision. Local hero Ani DiFranco apparently lost her home and the recording of her new album. While this is sad news... I can only feel so bad. While I can play with the idea that great artists have a higher recognition factor and *deserve* a fair deal of attention, I still would like to remark that her loss is insignificant. She was able to evacuate. She is not homeless. She should speak, rather than hiding behind the veil of loss. I remember a lyric of hers...something about "valuing [her] portability"...Well, yes, as you should. In any regard. This tangent brought to you by the letter Q and U (what would you do with only a Q?). My real statement has to do with Kanye West and he censored and maligned statement that GWB doesnt care about black people. That this was edited for the west coast is insulting enough...BUT...what is more, the response from the media is plain embarrassing. Ive heard otherwise BUSH haters defend the president all of a sudden. SHREDD & RAGAN, morning show mavens and oft times LIBERAL in their stance regarding the FCC, BUSH's various agendas, and ambiguously conservative morals...spoke in defense of Bush in that CONDI is, in fact, BLACK. Fellas, c'mon. Are you really rankled by a black man stating his case...using the very media which you use and argue for loosening of the noose? I can not help but imagine that this has provoked similar spin. Im sure NPR has made some turnaround...two short weeks ago, in their quest for an increasingly large group of people to irritate with their bimonthly fund drives, was hiphop week on NPR. How does this play? Can this be subsumed int hat new URBAN moniker... to be dismissed out of hand as some newly labelled urban outrage, black discontent...or can we stick with the program and acknowledge racial disparity and a culture of racism as unresolved issues in 21st century america?

sorry for the rant.



Ok...I'll relate these two little bits. I finished reading Dave Eggers " A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius". I finished it this morning. I was in the bathtub. I found it particularly great. Most criticism centers on the indulgent po-mo-ish nature and the "undisciplined" character of the work...blegh...this is plain vanilla jealousy. The book apologizes for itself numerous times...it grabs the 'this-is-important-self-righteousness-of-the-early-twenties' and runs with it while acknowledging that there is no real need for the chronicle. Egger's paranoia is there as a clever informant that this is, in fact, nonfiction/memoir/autobiography and that the value of these pages is in the fact that they do not need to exist. It is not exactly heady stuff....which is, I think, why i was able to acquire this book (in hardcover) at a yard sale for a startling 2 dollars. The woman (an intentionally underdressed "im having a yardsale today" literary type) came up to the wife and me (hi, we like these curtains, and how much for this book?) to explain that she doesn't sell her books ::sigh:: but, for all the hype...she doesn't/didn't really care for the book all that much...Hmm. Oh. (It is difficult to predict the response she expects...gee, then i don't want it, I guess... I mean, thanks for saving me the two bucks...the effort, this is probally the book that would lead to me needing glasses...I can guess it would come on page 8...early on... i would put it aside...never form my own judgments...etc...)then she adds this little nugget: Yeh, it's weird cause i get McSweeneys. WHATEVER! You see, mcsweeneys is a quarterly publication edited/managed by eggers. Im aware. The wife is aware. It seems from our yeh ok that she is satisfied. We have passed some literary snob yard sale exam. Yes. You can have the book for two dollars. AND the curtains? OK.

PS. It is worth a read...not in the way that it was made out to be (a must read....life changing...with enough power to power a train (or something like this from david sedaris) and a long long long self congratulatory blurb from david foster wallace who GETS eggers. Really...he gets him...and throws "bathos" into his blurb no less than three times...WICKED!!!) BUT...as a capsule of the mid to late 90's, of that post college what the fuck now...change the world angsty fuel it is head on. Or maybe i relate through the paranoia...the way that eggers takes the time to digress and write it down. I think that i swhat the critics hate...that someone (anyone) would take the time to write it down...to congratulate themselves on the routine worries that result from both parents dying and assuming guardianship of your 11 year old brother at the age of 23. That this experience will never be simple or common and that it doesn't need to be roped through a cloying series of edits that beatify the language and translate it not into fiction but literature...prepostmodern high art. what the fuck ever. Go watch TV if you want high art.

I am finding anger for no real reason. Likely because I have better things to be doing. geddipeezius

And, i never got to the second little bit..which was to be an eggers-esque practice with a half dreamed exchange between my wife and some campaigning guy...it is now lost to the world. And probally with good cause.


Dr Dhah SAYS...

Dr Shah is a good guy. His nurse is waaaaay cooler and more involved, but, maybe he is not a morning person. He did show me my MRI on his computer so that I could see my noggin in all it's glory. It appears that I have a chunk of something right in this little space that is (technically) underneath my brain...It is LITERALLY millimeters from this stuff to my optic chiasm (great word...horrible context). Since he will be delivering my radiation treatments I asked if it was advisable to hold surgery until this winter (aka between semesters). Actually, this conversation and activity proceeded in the exact opposite order. He SHOWED me the WHY NOT to this question after I asked it...risking permanent vision loss to teach a couple of classes seems a rather poor move. I find it hard to disagree with doctors in general...this made it even more difficult.

AND, as a side note... i think that doctors (in general) do a pretty fantastic job of explaining themselves lately. Maybe, I am just keyed in and able to comprehend the situation OR maybe there has been something of a renaissance in the medical community. In any regard, this nect month is going to prove a very interesting time...and that is BEFORE the baby arrives. I should (hopefully) be in relatively good repair by the time the baby has exited the womb.

ALSO: perhaps in preemption of the otherwise eventual radiation treatments I had most of my hair removed...mostly I needed a change. Good feedback so far. Kind of militaristic, but I like it well enough.


IN OTHERNEWS: taxi driver...off the list of never seen classics. Tonight is either ENTER THE DRAGON or THE GODFATHER. I also watched a couple of episodes of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM ...

I go now. vascedoramgamo